After Ella was born, I remember thinking that it was incredibly unfair that the hormone roller coaster I’d been on for 9 months wasn’t stopping. In fact, it was intensified, if anything. You’d think that being aware of this phenomenon – knowing it was temporary and would eventually pass – would make it easier this time around. No such luck.
The total exhaustion I’m experiencing, from trying to function on an average of 4 hours of sleep, is bad enough. I feel like the smallest task takes all of my energy. Including trying to put together a coherent post – I’ve tried several times this week and either I can’t get my brain to function enough to form complete sentences, or something comes up and I’m diverted: poopy diaper, hungry baby, toddler throwing yet another temper tantrum, etc. I knew it was going to be tough when my mom and mother-in-law were gone and the parenting would be left to me (during the workday, that is). I’m already living my life around a feeding schedule of every 3 hours, and now there isn’t anyone else to pay attention to Ella, so she routinely stands in front of me during feeding times and screams. In fact, the screaming seems to be non-stop lately. I’m guessing it’s a combination of being 2 and having a new baby in the house, and so far, nothing I do helps.
Add to all of that, the emotional stuff, and you’ve got the recipe for a Mommy Meltdown. Crying, eye-twitching, dreaming of life in Mexico with NO KIDS! And then the next day, or even an hour later, I feel fine. I’m outside, playing with Ella and carrying Sophie (who’s sound asleep in the sling) – life is good. And then Sophie is ready to eat, so I tell Ella it’s time to go inside and she throws herself down on the ground – you guessed it – screaming. I’m not supposed to pick her up for another 2 1/2 weeks but my breasts are starting to leak milk and Sophie is getting more and more frantic. So I drag Ella inside and am sore for the rest of the day. Later, Tom makes dinner and insists I rest and relax, and all is well again. Like I said…roller coaster…
I don’t know how people do this over and over again – and it makes me feel like a total wimp to admit how hard 2 kids are for me, when so many people have larger families and seem to handle it all in stride. I’m extra grateful for Tom right now, and I am sure things will get easier – right now I’d settle for 5 hours of sleep. One step at a time, right?